I had a dream where we went to see Miyavi again, and for some reason they put me in the space between the barriers and the stage, so he took my hand and we did this kinda lame dance on stage.
Then after the concert I boasted to everyone and felt like the most important person in the world.

Then I realised we (me, popi and rozzi) have no way of getting back, we relied on Yomi from Nightmare, who was very drunk and couldn't find a car.

When I got home I had a weird house which looked like it was for poor people.

This dream was weird cause it seemed to follow a story line.

I think jrock pops up too much in my dreams.





...I'm filling the void of my loneliness with cool hair and manga with obvious story lines.

My hands smell good. Like I've been picking strawberries.

Of course I haven't. It's the middle of November and I cannot step out the house without the fear of my face being blown off my the tremendous wind.

In other news.

I dyed my hair green for no reason. As soon as I dyed it, I realised I wasn't at all comfortable with it. In fact, I kinda stopped mid-flirt with somebody because I felt self-concious when I remembered it.

Here's a bad quality image! 8D



(I'm totally wearing my favourite shirt there, it has a gorgeous Japanese illustration of an octopus eating a man on it.)

People seem to like it though. Infact people tell me it's more "me" that what they've seen recently of my style.

I don't really remember what my style is. I just know that it's not me having hair that looks like a UV garden.

I'm tempted to keep it for work so I can have fun in the UV section. But I also wanna be comfortable and confident at work.

Either way, I miss it red.

I think red is very Bambi.

Plus is really very sexy.



Also I'm feeling ridiculously lonely, but I don't really want to think about it.

Couples are fucking me right off.

today is a better day than yesterday.

( I just found this funny. )

IT'S TRUE.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE.

Expo was, undoubtably shit.
I couldn't help thinking I would have had a nicer time if I were to stop being a miserable fuck and actually enjoyed the time with my friends properly. Because, thinking about it I miss them already.

And, seeing as I wont be attending Abingdon Boys School, I wont get to see people in a while.

Now I'm watching a documentary about how reptiles court their mates. It's violent.

MORE GLAMOUR.

However, I was partiularly happy to meet a fangirl of mine and Popi's fashion collumn. She actually squee'd. I'VE NEVER BEEN SQUEE'D AT BEFORE.

I think I'll end up not really celebrating my birthday again. I know it's Halloween, and I most definately should seeing as it's the sexiest day of the year...
But I hate Brighton sometimes.


LOVE ME... I'LL KILL MYSELF.

Today I was pretending to be reporter. Nobody seemed to appreciate all the questions I asked them.

My cat did though.

He showed his appreciation by head-butting me in the face.

Heheheee.


I've been better recently! Much better.
I had a uncharacteristic dark patch.

But I'm sure it's over.

Next Up.

Expo. *smirk*

I figure I should write this down to remember this feeling.

In all honesty, I felt completely pathetic crying before we were even in the venue.

But seeing somebody who's basically made you feel like you have a place in this world and a bright future, and fucking pushed you to do this through simply being an amazing artist/person.

It was fucking unreal.

The MC going into Kimi Ni Negai Wo was so fucking beautiful.

The entire performance was flawless, it was the music I loved and... fucking hell there is just no way to describe.

It made me remember to not hesitate and go.

So thank you Miyavi.

For a bright future and the best night of my life.

I'll never forget it.

x

Trick or Treat!

Thursday I was sitting at home like.

"Well, I'm just going to not speak to anyone, sit indoors and feel sorry for myself."

But that kinda sucks.

And I have way too much to do to feel like that.

I'm just thinking now how much I'm looking forward to all of it.

First.

Miyavi.

This concert actually means more to me than I can explain. Like, when I first got into Japanese music, and when we were first planning our move to Japan. He was our soundtrack.
He made us kind of realise where we fit in this little world. And it was just the most important time of my life.

(Oh god, I am totally gunna cry and make everyone around me feel uncomfortable. ;___;)

It makes me smile to think back upon it.

BUT NOW.

TOWARDS OUR BRIGHT FUTURE. 8D

<3

Last couple of weeks have been really odd.

It's probably because I'm just about to face my last year before "zomgadulthood"
And this is the time where most changes happen, and after years and years of fluttering about different personalities you kinda...settle within yourself. Find out who you are.

It's also been kinda weird because I've been completely been withdrawn from "Japan times". Probably because there are actual people to concentrate on.

Hopefully, as we stumble towards Christmas, we'll start to remember why it's the place we're giving everything to.

Well, it's weird times.

And also...

I know it's totally creepy.. cause the character is like... 12.

But Ciel Phantomhive is like... *nosebleed*



I am totally gunna make somebody dress up as him for me one day.

On Monday, I started College.

As soon as I made Popi change classes to stay with me, it became abundantly clear that we were the freaks at the front of the class. As irritating as this was, considering they haven't spoken to us, I decided that this was probably normal, and ignored it.
I doubt I helped this prejudice by the rest of the class with the constant proclamations of being a Nazi and a paedophile.
Now it's the end of my first week, and I have to say, I genuinely enjoyed myself.

We found a girl whom we firmly decided to convert into a jrock nerd.... She'll love it. Obviously.

I think us freaks can do good things to this class.

I also was happy to find an artist I respected dearly to be in my class, only ne year ahead. She game me a SEX POT shirt. *creepy grin* I'll actually have truble taking it off I love it so much.

And now, looking at the project I'm working on, I have the feeling I'm about to weird alot more people out.



That's hot.

Other that that, my life has been so depressing I can't even attempt to bring myself to mention it.

I very recently purchased a giant Astro Boy figurine. I fell a little bit in love with it and I don't know what to do because it will never be able to return my feelings.

What on earth is wrong with everybody?!

Have you all just clubbed together to think "LET'S DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO PISS BAMBI THE FUCK OFF."

I'm feeling lazy and kind of stuck in an irritating grey area.

I think what I need is a fuck off brilliant cuddle.

I've decided to be strict on myself this time.

I know usually, I just get pissed off at people who obsessively watch what they're eating...And I know I usually jut eat whatever make me happy whenever I feel like it...

BUT NO.

THIS JUNK FOOD OBSESSION IS WEIRD.
And my skin is getting well, not perfect. Which I don't agree with at all. I miss the creamy porcelain.
</ vanity>

Oh fuck, I need a job. Like it's gotten to the point where every second I'm living without one actually irritates me. It's like being constantly a little bit cold. JUST. FUCKING. GIVE. ME. A. DAMN. JOB.
Can you imagine me working in a little call centre?

Aww.

Oh, I forgot. I'm a redhead again. v

Yeah, I really need to start actually doing these.

I especially enjoy writing recently, so score, this entry should be relatively enjoyable for me. I would love to have the patience to actually write properly. (And talent) But, unfortunately, I will always be crushed by Popi's ridiculous vocabulary skills.

So...what's happened recently...

Popi went away for three weeks. Three whole fucking weeks. I imagine we were as miserable as eachother without any company. I spent a majority of the time in my attic, talking to my cat and eating Super Noodles. GLAMOUR, GLAMOUR!

So, to remedy my crushing lonliness, I popped down to London to visit the queue for D'espairsRay, and of course, I couldn't bare to leave to return to another evening alone... so Oniichan bought me a ticket.




And you know, everything was going well. I was being completely manic social because of the recent lack of conversation whatsoever. I just did. not. shut. up.
Then, during the performance some sweaty moron basically got far too feely. No, I don't know what kind of concert your used to, but it's totally not okay to touch up the girl in front of you. Ever. Thankfully, he got elbowed in the face.



The rest of the week consisted of Popi's return and alot of hugging.

Very recently, I had the pleasure of attending Gay Pride in Brighton. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's the most manic, drunken, confusing day of the year.
You're not supposed to remember much of it, or be fully aware of anything...
I spent a majority of it in the "Rave Tent" getting drunk and kind of blindly grinding my crotch into whatever was infront of me. The rest of it was spent in the motherfucking rain. My hair managed to stay straight for approximately 7 minutes. In my drunken state I decided I didn't care. About anything. Definitely not about peeing in front of alot of people, in a bush.
But yes, the rain pissed all over everything, as usual.

Way to go, British Summer.

And I looked so damn good that day.

So, in the last couple of days I seem to have taken on the personality of a cynical fuck who lives of coffee and fags.
It just kind of sprouted on me out of nowhere, like a cancer or something.

And I'll leave it at that, I'll be fucked if anyone actually bothers reading all of that. O__O

on my roof.

Wont shut up.

Today I am kind of sick, and a little annoyed that everyone's gunna be having funzies at D'espa, and I'm gunna be at home moaning about the job search.

I NEED one before Popi comes back.

Otherwise, I will have failed as a friend.

So, today I'm gunna find my forms for EMA and hopefully send them off... £20or so a week will certainly be helpful anyhow.

...I've forgotten how excited I am about Japan. Everything is just so "UGHGHGHNGJHGHGFNBKV" at the moment. The present is too much work! Maybe I'll be happier once I stop being in a rut about a job/etc...

Hopefully...that feeling will ease when Popi returns. I honest to god just want her back. Now. I miss the flash cards...

Apologies for this not having been the most exciting entry ever.

I hope this will make it better.


Watch Hello Morning - HaroMoni Academy English Lesson (subbed) in Entertainment  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Today I made pancakes. (^__^*)

It's difficult to get them to be a nice shape becase they cook in the pan too quickly. O__O

One curled in on itself in despair.

....I want more.

ANYWAY.

I've finished school forever, which...wasn't too much of a big deal because I barely went for the last year anyway.

I think I love my cat too much.



AND NOW, YOU *point*

I would like some advice, pictures, opinions about what to do with my hair.

I feel like a drastic change! (but not short, I look fat if I have short hair)

PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOUUU.

Yesterday was a joyyyy!

I went to Popi's, and we ended up in the sea...

It started because para para-ing in the park became not an option... because or terrential rain. So it was my fabulous idea to go running about in it. (We sang Lollipop)

APPARENTLY, WE WEREN'T QUITE WET ENOUGH.

Because next thing we knew, we were waist deep in the sea. (You can imagine the state of our make up by this point)

THE WAVES WERE FREAKING VICIOUS.

Anyway, I think we got over-excited because Popi ended up throwing her shoes away, and I thought it would be a marvelous idea to throw my phone in the sea.

Weather makes me do weird stuff.

I also had a mini panic attack, as the moment was very reminisant of a dream I had, in which Ryuuji was on the beach with me, and I had to go and look at the spot where he sat.

</mental>

I'm honestly just surprised I didn't get sick.

WHY MUST I BE SO INFLUENCED BY EVERYTHING?!

I decided that I wanted blue hair for the summer. PRETTY BLUE HAIR.
But then.. holy shit, that would be expensive, especially if I decide to get extentions.

Would blue hair look good without extentions?

Then I realised I really like white hair. Then I realised it would probably be impossible to get it to that stage.

So I'm stuck again.

All in all, I'm so bored of having patchy tangerine/red/pink/black/brown hair.
It's not a good look.

Then I wondered if this all really mattered in the long run, and if I should be putting my money somewhere else.

Then I though... But hey, it's my duty to look good. Looking good gets you places.

I'm gunna do it on the 16th of April.... Well, that's my plan but I seriously don't know if I can wait that long.

I needed to vent to nobody in particular.

No eyebrows!! (*o*)

I woke up, and I thought it was the morning. Then I reaslised it was 3 pm. (._.?)

I feel like getting a drink, but I'm too warm and two of my cats are keeping me company.

Today I was also looking though pictures of Tokyo from various people's holiday albums etc...

It made me realise how excited I was to experience it myself, so much so that it's almost unreal. Like visiting a place you could have only thought up in your head.

The fact that it really exists still baffles me. *___*

ANYWHO.

I'm getting bored of waiting for my hair to fade. I WANNA BLEACH YOU! NOOOWWW.

I can't wait to have it blue.

OH. I ALSO HAVE SOME REALLY EXCITING NEWS. But you'll have to wait for it.

Rambleramble.

Bambibibibibibibi. <3

Me and Popichan went to Brighton to see "JUSTWTFWASGOINGON" because a new shop selling lolita clothing and shoes had just opened.

At first, we were like. "IT'S STARTED D: EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD IN OUR LIVES IS BECOMING COMMERCIALISED AND MAINSTREAM BAWWWWWWWWW BLAHH BLAHFDMNBGIFDBJFDO"

But as soon as we walked in we were gretting with two women in gorgeous tea cake dresses and we were like "awwww!!!!"

(I felt terribly out of place because I was dressed like a goth gangsta for no particular reason...)

The woman who owns it is terribly sweet and let us try on matching school girl outfits. *___*

Teeeheee.
THEN THINGS TOOK A DARKER TURN. A creepy looking woman strolled into the shop asking us if we wanted her "lucky charms".

She told us she was a gypsy. She also kept insisting that she read popi's fortune, and dispite the constant "Look, I don't believe in this stuff, I'm an atheist." She said "BUT, I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES."

That's when I got mad. I told her what she believed in was a load of crap, and as she left she told me to "look out, you won't be so lucky."

*GIGGLESNORT*

Don't come into lovely shops trying to sell your weird gypsy shit.

So now...I'M CURSED. HAHAHAHA.

Then we met up with Ashie AASSHIIEE and we para para'd in the park. We attracted some icky french boys but they soon left realising their English skills were zero.

Then I bought sushi and we all went home.

Isn't that lovely?

I'll leave you with my impression of a man.




(oh, btw, if anyone has an account with ameba.jp, can you please give me a clue on how to use it?! D:)

My fangirlism has taken a darker turn... D: