Yesterday morning, I was all "fuck this shit"

So, in great haste I decided to book a trip to Oxford.

Then Popi was like "I'M AMAZING"

So she is coming too.

Cause I very much agreed.

Oxford?!

Considering it's my favourite place in the UK.

Because.

As we all know.

I am a giant Alice's Adventures in Wonderland nerd.

I will blog with videos when I come back! 8D




ps. ermmm...Sorry college. See you later bb.

AND NICE WEATHER FFFFFFF.

Why did I decide to fap about at home yesterday (and this morning apparently) instead of fucking off to college.
IT WAS GORGEOUS WEATHER YESTERDAY.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO WEAR A HAT.


I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY.





I think
what I need right now
is somebody
to wander into my
life.
And be lovely.
And we can
talk about
jrock
just
all the time.

ALSO LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL *points down*



BAMBIDESU.

BAAAMBBIIIIDESU.

Catch up, I feel like writing.

Well, the first notable thing that's happened recently is Christmas. Which was fine. It was basically exactly how I expected it to be. My derranged sister refused to join in and instead opted for being in her room and being pissed off that she wasn't sane or normal or whatever.

I got my beautiful iPod touch which excites me greatly.

I hate it when you get something new and impressive, and you show somebody. They then decide to RUIN IT ALL by being like "Yeah, I got one ages ago."

Fuck you and get out of my shop.

I also recently had a very unfortunate experience on a train.

Just when you're eexcited you got a window seat in the rush hour train, a guy with a fetish for alternative girls sits next to you.

¬__¬

It went a little like this.

Me: *takes off sunglasses*

Creep: Have you ever modelled?

Me: Erm, a little, a while ago.

Creep: Oh right. I take photos sometimes. Well I could. I used to be a punk.

Me: Right. That's nice.

Creep: See, you're really cool.

Me: I know.

(At this point he just tried to make small talk which was awful. The conclusion of said small talk was that we had nothing in common and that he was an unfunny douchebag. If you're ever trying to get into my pants, do not take the piss out of Japan.)

Then he stared to flirt.

Creep: I have a friend who looked like you. Although she didn't have your cute nose and sexy smile.

Me: I bet.... Unfortunately for you, I'm gay.

Creep: I bet I can change that!

Me: If you think that, you're startlingly overconfident.

(At this point everyone on the train was either listening intently or facepalming.)

Then he just continued to bug me for my number, suggest some kind of weird bondage photography, saying the word "orgasmic" and being a twat.

Me: Look, no. Even if I was straight, do you really think I would be interested in you?

Creep: Well... why not... Can I have your number? I'm not that bad.

Me: No.

As soon as he left the train, everbody looked embarrassed (for him) and possibly a little greatful that their train ride wasn't as boring as usual.


...
Also, I should stop having dreams where Miyavi and I are friends. It's just not healthy. But I figure it's okay, cause my dream also involved a teacher racing with a psychotic clown.




As for me, I need to work on my charm skills.

I woke up looking like this.






I was like "aww what."




Gyaru Bambi.

You have no idea how many times I got hit on looking like this.

It made me realise.

My fucking GOD, I suit looking boyish.

If there's anything that I can say, and be very very certain. It's that I love The Wright Stuff.

Yesterday was oddly lovely. Despite the motherfucking bitter cold that actually made my hair shiver. SAMUIIIII~
There was Christmas Carolers at that station. I was just like "aw what?" but it made me strangely happy. Plus, of course it's always good spending time with Lefio.

As soon as I got back to Popi's it started to snow again. It snowed earlier... But it was pretty pathetic and I don't count it.

Now, the sun's come out to melt the snow. It's lovely snow. LOVELY FUCKING SNOW.

On the train back from work, a girl kept scowling at me. It turns out she was actually trying to smile, and she was just insanely cold. I asked her if she was okay and offered her my jacket cause I'm suave like that.

Right, okay, I'm off to drink tea then make myself look beautiful.


Oh, right. You should visit me at work.

It's
so
fucking
cold.
However.
A particularly nice day.
Which is a pleasant change, seeing as recently, all my emotions have been focused on poor Bambi having everything piling on top of her.

Stress is such an ugly thing.

If it had a face...

I'm certain it would look like an old, bloated Gackt.

Oddly enough, I'm not programmed to focus to on important things such as getting college projects finished to a degree where I can get more than just a "pass." Which I got. Passes are code word for "average".

If only art wasn't such an awkward subject to give grades on, considering nobody has a direct definition. It was always my belief that it had alot to do with talent, creativity and style.

Unfortunately, to reduce favoritism to those with a passion for said subject, the criteria for marking is to tick boxes. These boxes are seldom to do with creativity, innovative ideas or, shockingly, talent.

This is where I fall. Hence, why I don't like to focus on it.

Infact, it's increasingly difficult to focus on anything.

However, something struck me today.

This overwhelming desire to be loved!

I've decided it's a wonderful thing. Even if it means not doing so in return.
My personality blossoms fully when getting my ego stroked.

It's not a bad thing, a personality benefits all surrounding it.

I think it's possible to be awkward and uncool as well as a charismatic individual.

This should be effortlessssss.



I don't over-think things such as this, I promise.


Conclusion: I love Rukichan.

I had a dream where we went to see Miyavi again, and for some reason they put me in the space between the barriers and the stage, so he took my hand and we did this kinda lame dance on stage.
Then after the concert I boasted to everyone and felt like the most important person in the world.

Then I realised we (me, popi and rozzi) have no way of getting back, we relied on Yomi from Nightmare, who was very drunk and couldn't find a car.

When I got home I had a weird house which looked like it was for poor people.

This dream was weird cause it seemed to follow a story line.

I think jrock pops up too much in my dreams.





...I'm filling the void of my loneliness with cool hair and manga with obvious story lines.

My hands smell good. Like I've been picking strawberries.

Of course I haven't. It's the middle of November and I cannot step out the house without the fear of my face being blown off my the tremendous wind.

In other news.

I dyed my hair green for no reason. As soon as I dyed it, I realised I wasn't at all comfortable with it. In fact, I kinda stopped mid-flirt with somebody because I felt self-concious when I remembered it.

Here's a bad quality image! 8D



(I'm totally wearing my favourite shirt there, it has a gorgeous Japanese illustration of an octopus eating a man on it.)

People seem to like it though. Infact people tell me it's more "me" that what they've seen recently of my style.

I don't really remember what my style is. I just know that it's not me having hair that looks like a UV garden.

I'm tempted to keep it for work so I can have fun in the UV section. But I also wanna be comfortable and confident at work.

Either way, I miss it red.

I think red is very Bambi.

Plus is really very sexy.



Also I'm feeling ridiculously lonely, but I don't really want to think about it.

Couples are fucking me right off.

today is a better day than yesterday.

( I just found this funny. )

IT'S TRUE.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE.

Expo was, undoubtably shit.
I couldn't help thinking I would have had a nicer time if I were to stop being a miserable fuck and actually enjoyed the time with my friends properly. Because, thinking about it I miss them already.

And, seeing as I wont be attending Abingdon Boys School, I wont get to see people in a while.

Now I'm watching a documentary about how reptiles court their mates. It's violent.

MORE GLAMOUR.

However, I was partiularly happy to meet a fangirl of mine and Popi's fashion collumn. She actually squee'd. I'VE NEVER BEEN SQUEE'D AT BEFORE.

I think I'll end up not really celebrating my birthday again. I know it's Halloween, and I most definately should seeing as it's the sexiest day of the year...
But I hate Brighton sometimes.


LOVE ME... I'LL KILL MYSELF.

Today I was pretending to be reporter. Nobody seemed to appreciate all the questions I asked them.

My cat did though.

He showed his appreciation by head-butting me in the face.

Heheheee.


I've been better recently! Much better.
I had a uncharacteristic dark patch.

But I'm sure it's over.

Next Up.

Expo. *smirk*

I figure I should write this down to remember this feeling.

In all honesty, I felt completely pathetic crying before we were even in the venue.

But seeing somebody who's basically made you feel like you have a place in this world and a bright future, and fucking pushed you to do this through simply being an amazing artist/person.

It was fucking unreal.

The MC going into Kimi Ni Negai Wo was so fucking beautiful.

The entire performance was flawless, it was the music I loved and... fucking hell there is just no way to describe.

It made me remember to not hesitate and go.

So thank you Miyavi.

For a bright future and the best night of my life.

I'll never forget it.

x

Trick or Treat!

Thursday I was sitting at home like.

"Well, I'm just going to not speak to anyone, sit indoors and feel sorry for myself."

But that kinda sucks.

And I have way too much to do to feel like that.

I'm just thinking now how much I'm looking forward to all of it.

First.

Miyavi.

This concert actually means more to me than I can explain. Like, when I first got into Japanese music, and when we were first planning our move to Japan. He was our soundtrack.
He made us kind of realise where we fit in this little world. And it was just the most important time of my life.

(Oh god, I am totally gunna cry and make everyone around me feel uncomfortable. ;___;)

It makes me smile to think back upon it.

BUT NOW.

TOWARDS OUR BRIGHT FUTURE. 8D

<3

Last couple of weeks have been really odd.

It's probably because I'm just about to face my last year before "zomgadulthood"
And this is the time where most changes happen, and after years and years of fluttering about different personalities you kinda...settle within yourself. Find out who you are.

It's also been kinda weird because I've been completely been withdrawn from "Japan times". Probably because there are actual people to concentrate on.

Hopefully, as we stumble towards Christmas, we'll start to remember why it's the place we're giving everything to.

Well, it's weird times.

And also...

I know it's totally creepy.. cause the character is like... 12.

But Ciel Phantomhive is like... *nosebleed*



I am totally gunna make somebody dress up as him for me one day.

On Monday, I started College.

As soon as I made Popi change classes to stay with me, it became abundantly clear that we were the freaks at the front of the class. As irritating as this was, considering they haven't spoken to us, I decided that this was probably normal, and ignored it.
I doubt I helped this prejudice by the rest of the class with the constant proclamations of being a Nazi and a paedophile.
Now it's the end of my first week, and I have to say, I genuinely enjoyed myself.

We found a girl whom we firmly decided to convert into a jrock nerd.... She'll love it. Obviously.

I think us freaks can do good things to this class.

I also was happy to find an artist I respected dearly to be in my class, only ne year ahead. She game me a SEX POT shirt. *creepy grin* I'll actually have truble taking it off I love it so much.

And now, looking at the project I'm working on, I have the feeling I'm about to weird alot more people out.



That's hot.

Other that that, my life has been so depressing I can't even attempt to bring myself to mention it.

I very recently purchased a giant Astro Boy figurine. I fell a little bit in love with it and I don't know what to do because it will never be able to return my feelings.

What on earth is wrong with everybody?!

Have you all just clubbed together to think "LET'S DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO PISS BAMBI THE FUCK OFF."

I'm feeling lazy and kind of stuck in an irritating grey area.

I think what I need is a fuck off brilliant cuddle.

I've decided to be strict on myself this time.

I know usually, I just get pissed off at people who obsessively watch what they're eating...And I know I usually jut eat whatever make me happy whenever I feel like it...

BUT NO.

THIS JUNK FOOD OBSESSION IS WEIRD.
And my skin is getting well, not perfect. Which I don't agree with at all. I miss the creamy porcelain.
</ vanity>

Oh fuck, I need a job. Like it's gotten to the point where every second I'm living without one actually irritates me. It's like being constantly a little bit cold. JUST. FUCKING. GIVE. ME. A. DAMN. JOB.
Can you imagine me working in a little call centre?

Aww.

Oh, I forgot. I'm a redhead again. v

Yeah, I really need to start actually doing these.

I especially enjoy writing recently, so score, this entry should be relatively enjoyable for me. I would love to have the patience to actually write properly. (And talent) But, unfortunately, I will always be crushed by Popi's ridiculous vocabulary skills.

So...what's happened recently...

Popi went away for three weeks. Three whole fucking weeks. I imagine we were as miserable as eachother without any company. I spent a majority of the time in my attic, talking to my cat and eating Super Noodles. GLAMOUR, GLAMOUR!

So, to remedy my crushing lonliness, I popped down to London to visit the queue for D'espairsRay, and of course, I couldn't bare to leave to return to another evening alone... so Oniichan bought me a ticket.




And you know, everything was going well. I was being completely manic social because of the recent lack of conversation whatsoever. I just did. not. shut. up.
Then, during the performance some sweaty moron basically got far too feely. No, I don't know what kind of concert your used to, but it's totally not okay to touch up the girl in front of you. Ever. Thankfully, he got elbowed in the face.



The rest of the week consisted of Popi's return and alot of hugging.

Very recently, I had the pleasure of attending Gay Pride in Brighton. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's the most manic, drunken, confusing day of the year.
You're not supposed to remember much of it, or be fully aware of anything...
I spent a majority of it in the "Rave Tent" getting drunk and kind of blindly grinding my crotch into whatever was infront of me. The rest of it was spent in the motherfucking rain. My hair managed to stay straight for approximately 7 minutes. In my drunken state I decided I didn't care. About anything. Definitely not about peeing in front of alot of people, in a bush.
But yes, the rain pissed all over everything, as usual.

Way to go, British Summer.

And I looked so damn good that day.

So, in the last couple of days I seem to have taken on the personality of a cynical fuck who lives of coffee and fags.
It just kind of sprouted on me out of nowhere, like a cancer or something.

And I'll leave it at that, I'll be fucked if anyone actually bothers reading all of that. O__O